


The Adventures of Two Dead Men

by tryingherbestpacito



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Ghost JSchlatt, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Good dad Wilbur Soot, Is it really major character death if they're already dead??, Jschaltt is trying his best, Jschlatt is just an agent of chaos and he's dragging Will with him, Light Angst, Wilbur has amnesia, i needed these two to interact i think it'd be pretty funny, main focus on schlatt and will, most of the characters mentioned are only in passing, we should probably separate the two, wholesome Ghostbur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27715372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryingherbestpacito/pseuds/tryingherbestpacito
Summary: After all the wars, betrayals and deaths, it never occurred to Schlatt that he'd ever be able to so much as be within the same mile radius as Wilbur Soot without nearly getting strangled by the crazed man, so the afterlife should be no different...Right?
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Jschlatt & Ghostbur, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 410





	The Adventures of Two Dead Men

**Author's Note:**

> Give ghost friends!!!! I want these two to be friends it would be pure chaos!!

“Hello!” a warbly voice greets and Schlatt whips around, blinking in surprise at the faintly glowing person hovering a little ways off

“W-wilbur?” he asks as the ghost floats over, bright yellow sweater and mouth stained a dark red with an old beanie nearly falling off a mess of curls

“No no” he corrects with a giggle and shake of his head “I’m Ghostbur! Wilbur was who I used to be but he’s dead now and I can’t be something that’s alive see?!” he flips upside down and pale, dead eyes stare up at Schlatt with genuine curiosity “Who are you?” he wonders with a smile “You’re dead like me too. Have you met god? Of course not!” he laughs a bit “God doesn’t exist the afterlife is just infinite darkness!!” Ghostbur dissolves into a fit of giggles, flipping around as he laughs while Schlatt desperately wishes Carson wasn’t oblivious to the situation “So what’s your name?” Ghosbur asks with a friendly grin

“You…you don’t remember me?” Schlatt realizes and Ghostbur’s smile dims

“I- I forgot a lot of things from when I was alive” he admits, wringing grey, translucent hands together anxiously. Schlatt nods in understanding. He too felt there was something missing in his memories after his death

“I see” he notes neutrally “My name is Schlatt. J. Schlatt.” Ghostbur freezes and begins to flicker, red stain blooming before shrinking, an open gash in his chest appearing and disappearing while black viscous liquid drips from his mouth and eyes, making him look like he was crying. Schlatt blinks and the ghost is back to normal, smiling like nothing had happened

“Sorry, I don’t recall you” Ghostbur confesses, rubbing a cold hand on a colder neck “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Schlatt! So what are you up to?”

“Oh, nothing much really” he shrugs, floating over to his living friend “I just kinda follow Carson around since I don’t have much to do”

“Carson?” Ghostbur wonders, hovering over the unaware human and squinting at his face “Did I know them? I can’t remember”

“I don’t think so” Schlatt tells him, flicking one of the man’s bangs and chuckling when Carson whips around at the feeling “He’s new”

“Oh!” Ghostbur seems relieved

“So what do _you_ do?” Schlatt asks, genuinely interested as to what L’manbergs previous leader was up to after death

“I do a lot of things!!” Ghostbur exclaims, lighting up excitedly “I made a library with books from different people that way I can start to remember my life, I make lots of potions in my van and I help people build stuff! I like helping!” he laughs a little and does a couple flips “People really seem to like me better when I help build stuff so I like helping”

“So you just help people?” Schlatt inquires, leaning back mid-air and adjusting his own blue sweater “Does it ever get boring?”

“No no never!” Ghostbur reassures “I like helping because then I don’t have to remember! I just build!” he fidgets a bit “I’m not as cold when I help”

“Ah.” He says, not quite sure how to respond and the two float there in uncomfortable silence for a few moments

“Mr. Schlatt?”

“Yes?”

“Are you ever cold?” Ghostbur asks, red on his sweater growing a little and Schlatt hesitates

“A little” he lies before glancing over at the working Carson “No. A lot of time actually” he sighs, sinking down into his large sweater in the vain effort to warm himself up “I’m always cold-“ he perks up a bit with a grin “Unless I’m messing with people.” Ghostbur cocks his head a little, body tilting with him

“Messing with people?” he wonders innocently

“Yeah! You know, like playing pranks and stuff!” he explains with a giddy smile, realizing two ghosts meant twice as much trouble “You ever play pranks?”

“I don’t know” he shrugs, smiling a little “What kind of pranks?” Schlatt laughs and holds up a finger

“Give me a sec-“ he focuses and Carson is leaping nearly a foot in the air at the sudden appearance of his dead friend “Hey Carson! I need to borrow your crossbow!”

“What?! Why??” Carson sputters, still trying to recover from the scare

“Come on man I need it! I’m wanna go fuck shit up for a bit!”

“Okay fine just don’t shoot me” he grumbles, going back to his task and distractedly handing the specter his weapon “And don’t break it-“

“Thanks bro!” Schlatt vanishes and holds up the crossbow triumphantly for Ghostbur to see “Ta-da!”

“I have one of those!” Ghostbur gasps, summoning a crossbow of his own “Phil gave it to me and then never took it back!”

“Perfect!” Schlatt cackles, taking off towards the crater that had been Manburg, Ghostbur flying closely behind him “We’re gonna have target practice!”

* * *

“No no yeah, just like that” Schlatt instructs, Ghostbur raising his crossbow and aiming it at a distracted Tubbo from behind the drug van “Okay go!” Ghostbur lowers it a little, hesitating

“A-are you sure?” he frets “What if he dies?”

“Does he have a spawn point?”

“Well, yes-“

“Then he’ll be fine!” Schlatt reassures “Besides! He’s like in full netherite he won’t even feel it!”

“Oh! Good point!” Ghostbur realizes and takes aim once more, firing at the boy. Tubbo yelps, whipping around and the two duck behind the van, giggling to themselves

“Hello??” The boy calls out, pulling the arrow out of his armor “Is anyone there?!” Ghostbur creeps out a little and fires again, the two ghosts laughing when the teen shrieks fearfully. They slip into the van when Tubbo rushes in, watching with amusement as he cautiously searches the vehicle. Schlatt opens and slams one of the chests, cackling when the boy shouts and whips around to stare at the chest

“You’re right” Ghostbur whispers, tapping one of the glass bottles to catch Tubbo’s attention “This _is_ fun!”

“Told ya so big man” Schlatt huffs, patting his new partner in crime on the back “Watch this” he floats behind Tubbo and blows on his neck, making the teen scream and swing his axe at the invisible Schlatt. Ghostbur and Schlatt are beside themselves with laughter with the way Tubbo keeps slashing around at the empty air.

“Wilbur?!” Tubbo asks, shakily clinging to his weapon “Is that you?!” Ghostbur simply knocks over a bottle, giggling when Tubbo jumps in fear “Oh god I’m getting haunted- TOMMY!!” he pulls out a communication crystal and shouts into it “Tommy can you come over to the van I think I’m getting haunted!!”

“Yes!!” Schlatt laughs, flipping in the air with how hard he was laughing “A new child to mess with!” Ghostbur and Schlatt rush outside and float to the top of the van, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the blonde teen and loading their bows. Tommy is rushing over, Tubbo still swinging at random if the clattering and crashing from inside the van was any clue and Ghostbur takes aim

“Should I be concerned?” He asks Schlatt, hesitating for a moment “He’s not wearing any armor…”

“Hey man, take it or leave it” Schlatt replies with a shrug, pounding on the roof to make Tubbo scream some more

“… I’m gonna shoot him” Ghostbur decides, firing on the blond and laughing hysterically when Tommy trips and tumbles over the small ledge

“Yeah!!” Schlatt cheers, applauding the shot and encouraging more. The two continue to harass the bewildered teens, making Tommy have to spawn away over and over and forcing Tubbo to cower in a back corner of the van. Eventually the two move on, floating through the newly built houses

* * *

“That was fun!” Ghostbur giggles

“Yeup!” Schlatt agrees “Very productive night if I do say so myself-”

“Aw, one of my lanterns went out” Ghostbur noted, rising up to one of the colorful, fiery devices and circling it worriedly

“You made these?” he asks, staring in wonder at the delicate paper frames

“Yeah!” the other hums happily, re-lighting the lantern “I made ‘em with Fundy- did you know he’s my son?!” he laughs and flips “I have a son!!”

“Really?” Schlatt inquires disbelievingly “…I didn’t know that”

“Neither did I…” Ghostbur admits softly “But I remembered! I remembered him!” He turns and smiles so triumphantly at the small victory that Schlatt feels bad for the man’s lost memories “I remember his mother too, he looks just like her!” Schlatt recalls the fox-faced young adult that betrayed him, the one he’d put so much faith into…and can’t find it in him to be angry, not when Ghostbur stared at the lantern he held so lovingly

“Does he now?”

“Mmhmm” he nods rapidly before giggling “She was a salmon. Very pretty too.”

“Oh god don’t tell me you fucked a fish dude”

Ghostbur is spinning with laughter, knocking into lanterns and Schlatt can’t help but laugh along, zipping through the floating lights chasing after the man frantically

“DUDE! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T FUCK A FISH!! WIL- GHOSTBUR!! DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT FUCK A FISH??!”

* * *

“Like this?” Schlatt asks, wondering how on earth he’d gotten himself in this situation and faded legs dangling over the crane’s edge

“Yeah, yeah” Ghostbur nods, pointing out the stray wires “You got it!”

“You’re better at this” he grumbles, focused on making the delicate wire frame bend to his will “How many have you already made?” Ghostbur looks over at his own, neat pile of unlit paper lanterns and attempts to cover them up with his translucent body

“Maybe a couple” he chuckles, watching Schlatt eventually manage to complete his first lamp “Good job!”

“It looks like shit” Schlatt scoffs, but looks proud nonetheless, holding it up for Ghostbur to inspect

“Well I didn’t do a good job my first time either” he reassures, smoothing out a few wrinkles

“Who taught you to make these?” Schlatt wonders “They’re not in any crafting book _I’ve_ seen” his companion hesitates, fiddling with the flint and steel he’d pulled out

“…Philza” he finally tells him “I remember making these with him when I was little, we’d float them over the river in front of our house and on a clear night, without any wind…you could just see them go for miles and miles, until they became stars in the sky with the rest” he looks up at the lanterns still suspended over the small pond and smiles, lighting Schlatt’s lantern for him “We almost burned down the forest once though”

“No way” Schlatt laughs, holding on to the burning lamp

“Yeah!” Ghostbur giggles, lighting more lanterns “There was a drought, and one of the lanterns fell in the forest and started a fire” he slumps a little at the memory “It took him forever to put out, even as an Admin” they release the new fiery globes and watch as they take their place with the others, sun beginning to rise behind them

“Philza’s an Admin?”

“Well where do you think me and Techno got it from?” Ghostbur chuckles “At least that’s what Tommy told me… I don’t remember being an Admin though…” he stares up at the lanterns, deep in thought “Do you think I would’ve been a good Admin Mr. Schlatt? Everyone seems to like me better dead and this isn’t even my territory…” Schlatt recalls a faint memory of rising water and laughter, one so far buried in his mind by his living self he’s not even sure if it’s real or simply his imagination.

“I think you would’ve been a great Admin” Schlatt assures with a small smile, pushing down the much more recent memories of a man driven mad over his lost nation “It would’ve been fun in your territory” Ghostbur beams and it’s like a second sunrise

“You really think so?”

“Definitely” he nods, getting up and floating down to the ground “Now come on!! We got more people to prank!!”

* * *

Ghostbur has decided to strum the same three chords over and over without end, Schlatt singing along obnoxiously loud as they chase after the terrified Quackity and Karl, the two undead laughing crazily when they pin them against a cliff wall with no escape.

“Please” Quackity sobs, scrabbling against the stone in an effort to climb away from the torture “This is the 52nd verse”

“Seriously, I think my ears are gonna bleed” Karl agrees, trying to block out the annoyances by pressing his hands against his ears. The two stop and simply hover, Ghostbur adjusting his fingers on the strings and Schlatt preparing himself with a grin

“A-are they gone?” Quackity whispers, looking around cautiously. Karl lowers his hands warily

“I…I think so-“

“A DUCK WALKED UP TO THE LEMONADE STAND AND HE SAID TO THE MAN RUNNING THE STAND-“

“OH MY GOD THIS IS WORSE THAN BABY SHARK!!” Karl screams, slapping his hands back over his ears as Quackity breaks down bawling and hysterically mumbles a prayer in Spanish. Ghostbur continues strumming happily, singing along with some parts while Schlatt goes through all three duck songs before they finally decide to move on.

“…this is the song that never ends-“

“ARE YOU SERIOUS QUACKITY??!”

“THOSE ASSHOLES GOT IT STUCK IN MY HEAD OKAY??!”

* * *

“So how did you die Mr. Schlatt?” Ghostbur asks, currently stuck upside down in a wall

“Hmm?” Schlatt hums, trying to figure out how he’d gotten there in the first place and how to get him out

“How did you die?” he repeats “My dad stabbed me.” He informs the other casually, pointing to the bloodstained gash on his chest

“I thought you exploded” Schlatt blurts out, having grabbed one of Ghostbur’s wrists to try and yank him out

“Yeah, that’s what everyone thinks for some reason” he tells him, very confused “I don’t know why, they always talk about explosions and such and then they go quiet and look at me weird. They say I blew everything up, but I don’t remember doing that.”

“Well” Schlatt grunts, straining to pull the man out “Maybe its best you don’t remember if everyone doesn’t like it. Some things are probably best left forgotten”

“I guess” he huffs “I want to remember but… I don’t think I want to remember if I was a bad person. Was I a bad person Mr. Schlatt?”

“I should be the one asking you that question” he mumbles

“What was that?”

“I mean, I don’t think you were all that bad” Schlatt covers, finally yanking Ghostbur out and sending the two spiraling and tumbling in the air “Definitely understandable some of the things you did from a certain point of view I guess”

“Aw, thank you!” Ghostbur chirps happily “I think you’re a very nice person Mr. Schlatt, if you want my opinion”

“Really??” he baffles, following after the yellow sweater wearing ghost “You?? How much about me have you heard?”

“Not a lot” Ghostbur admits “People don’t like talking about you so I haven’t heard very much, but I think you’re a good person” Schlatt tries to ignore the pang of guilt he shouldn’t be able to feel but still does “So how _did_ you die? I don’t think someone stabbed you like I was”

“Alcohol poisoning” Schlatt sighs “Or a heart attack, maybe both” he looks down at the small red heart on his blue sweater, the one with a green bottle crossing over it and a white flatline running through the both of them. “I dunno its gotta be one of ‘em.”

“Were you an alcoholic Mr. Schlatt?”

“Yup”

“Huh… I think I was a drug addict.”

Schlatt bursts out laughing at the sudden change of topic, slapping Ghostbur on the back grinning widely when the other smiles up at him

“Oh buddy you have _no_ idea!!”

* * *

“So this is where you stay?” Schlatt grinned, peeking into the different barrels and bookshelves while Ghostbur strummed a senseless song in the background “You have quite the collection of books” he notes, rummaging through the small library “It’s very impressive”

“Thank you” Ghostbur hums “I worked very hard on it. I think I have a book from just about everyone”

“Yeah?” Schlatt asks, staring down at his own book he currently held, the one he’d written when he’d first gotten into power. He quickly shoves that one in the back, out of sight “I believe you, you have a lot” another book falls out and he picks it up, breaking down into hysterical laughter when he reads the title “HOW TO SEX 2 BY _TOMMY **INNIT**_??!!!” he howls, Ghostbur stopped strumming and glanced over with a horrified look on his face

“Dear god don’t read that” he groans, hurrying over

“No no no I wanna read this shit!!” he cackles, immediately opening the book

“Please don’t it is _so_ biologically incorrect!!”

“THERES A FIRST BOOK??!!!” He practically screams, flipping in the air with how hard he was laughing “Oh my god this is too good!! Oh this is absolute comedy gold!!”

“Put it back!” Ghostbur laugh/begs “I’m mortified that he wrote that!”

“What happened to the first one?” Schlatt wheezes, skimming over the pages and laughing harder at each new chapter

“It was so bad I made him burn it.” He deadpans and Schlatt can feel himself crying with how hard he was laughing. There’s a splash and they both turn to look at the new person walking into in the small room. Schlatt drops the book and flies through the wall into the next room to hide “Fundy!!” Ghostbur greets excitedly, making himself visible to the young adult “Hello!! What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, hey Ghostbur” Fundy replies with an awkward wave “I was just wondering if you had any spare invisibility potions I could use”

“Of course!” He exclaims, heading for one of the chests that housed his many elixirs “How many do you need?”

“Just like one or two” He tells him, following behind the floating dead man and picked up the dropped book “You dropped one of your books-“ he reads the title and simply stares at it, face neutral as he starts flipping through it

“Hmm?” Ghostbur looks over his shoulder and zooms over in an instant “Oh fuck! Put that down!!”

“You have to admit, it’s a very intriguing title” Schlatt laughs, grateful that Fundy can’t see the hysterical mess he is while Ghostbur attempts to take the book back

“Babies come out of the what??!” Fundy cackles, doubled over and gasping, still keeping the book out of his father’s reach

“I’m going to kill Tommy” Ghostbur seethes, still chasing Fundy around in the small room

“Do not have sex with WHO??!” the fox-man howls and Schlatt is flipping through the walls with laughter “How does he know this??!!”

“Stop reading it aloud!!!” Ghostbur shrieks, snatching the book away and throwing it in the nearest barrel, slamming the lid over it “I regret letting Tommy write a book.”

“Hey man,” Schlatt wheezes “You play stupid games-“

“You win stupid prizes.” Ghostbur finishes, the two ghosts blinking in surprise at the familiarity of the words

“Win stupid prizes?” Fundy repeats, not being able to see or hear the third person in the room “What do you mean?”

“What about the potions?” Schlatt reminds, desperate not to be found by the traitor. Ghostbur claps his hands

“The potions!” he exclaims “That’s right! Two invisibility potions coming right up!”

“Wha- oh okay” Fundy sputters at the sudden change in subject “Thanks” Schlatt follows after them, hovering a little ways off as he watches the exchange “Awesome! You’re the best!”

“No problem son!” Ghostbur chirps happily, waving goodbye as Fundy takes the waterfall outside back up to the top

“…You really like him don’t you?” Schlatt notes, seeing the fond way Ghostbur smiles at where the young man had been.

“Yes!” Ghostbur nods enthusiastically “I do! Apparently I wasn’t the best father when I was alive, but I can fix that now!! I can be a good dad, just like Phil!”

“Didn’t Phil stab you?”

“Well yes” he admits “But people see him as a hero for that so I guess killing me was good for him” he rearranges his potions “I don’t mind it, he’s happy” Schlatt rolls his eyes and drags Ghostbur back up to the top

“You’re a pushover when you’re dead” Schlatt scoffs, pulling out his bow as he leads the both of them down the paths “Come on, let’s go shoot more people-”

“Do you wanna see my music boxes?!” Ghostbur interrupts, suddenly changing directions and now the one dragging Schlatt “I made a little music booth we can play!!”

“Yeah sure” Schlatt sighs, putting the weapon away and letting himself get pulled along “Show me your music booth”

* * *

“So book collecting huh?” Schlatt asks as the two rummage through someone’s unattended chests “You just take peoples books?”

“Yes!” Ghostbur burbles “I want them for my library. Think of it as…unknowing donations!” Schlatt laughs at that, searching a chest and finding a leather-bound stack of papers

“Oh! Found one!” he exclaims and Ghostbur zooms over excitedly, yellow sleeved arms full of the books he’d already found

“Yay!!” he cheers, looking over the moon when Schlatt carefully places the newest addition on the pile “Thank you-“

“Hey!!” an irritated Punz yells, slamming the door open and startling the two “How many times do we all have to tell you to stop stealing people’s books?!!” Ghostbur and Schlatt look over at each other and bolt for the nearest open window, Punz immediately chasing after the pile of floating books “Hey!! Ghostbur!!! Give me back my books damnit!!” Schlatt quickly knocks over a shelf, laughing when Punz crashes into it and follows after the retreating Ghostbur.

“I think that went well” Ghostbur hums happily, Schlatt cackling next to him as they head back to the underground home

* * *

“So what did you do when you were alive Mr. Schlatt?” Ghostbur asks as he fixes his bookshelves “I was a musician…or a drug dealing president. One of those two”

“Oh umm…” He hesitates for a moment before coming up with a half lie to tell his fellow ghost “I was a businessman.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, wore a suit and everything” he chuckles, drifting over and examining the potion tables “You know, you could probably make a pretty good business out of your books and music, like a book store or something”

“You really think so?!” Ghostbur gasps excitedly “Oh! Maybe I could sell my potions!! People are always asking me for some so I should sell them!” he looks over at Schlatt “Do you think that would be a good business idea?” Schlatt wants to laugh at the bitter irony, the full circle his companion has come to

“You know what? Yeah.” He nods, patting him on the shoulder “I think selling potions would be a good business for you. Knock all the competition right outta the ballpark”

“And you’ll help me right Mr. Schlatt?” Ghostbur requests, beaming up at the frozen man “You said you were a businessman before you died, which means you’ll know all about selling and supply and demand and all that other stuff I’m not good at!”

“Well I mean I guess-“

“I can bring them in with my music!!” Ghostbur continues, zooming around in circles excitedly the more he talked “I’ll draw them in and then you can sell the potions and we’ll sell so many potions this is brilliant!!” he gives a little gasp and comes to a stop “I can build us a shop!! I can build a little shop next to my music booth and we can sell potions!! You’ll help me with the business part of it right?”

“Sure buddy” Schlatt sighs “First lesson of business though, is you have to look the part” he explains, gesturing to the bloodied sweater Ghostbur wore “You’ll scare off customers looking like that” Ghostbur looks down at the gash in his chest and frowns, wiggling out of the sweater only to reveal an equally bloodied white shirt underneath, hole in his chest much more visible with one less layer of clothing over it

“Better?” he tries and Schlatt facepalms

“Not really… okay hang on- we’ll swap” he slips his out of his own blue turtleneck and shoves Ghostbur into it “There!” he grins proudly as Ghostbur adjusts the much too big sweater to better fit him, adjusting Ghostbur’s bangs and brushing the curls as best as possible “Much better!” He puts on the bloodied sweater over his own white dress shirt and loose red tie that had been hidden by his turtleneck, adjusting the collar and smoothing out invisible wrinkles “We really should get this fixed somehow...”

“I think you look good!” Ghostbur compliments “Very hipster!”

“Oh god not hipster” Schlatt groans, the other breaking into a fit of giggles

“Okay!” he exclaims “I’m going to go find Tubbo and see if I can set up a shopping area- I could build a whole shopping plaza!!” he realizes and is nearly glowing with excitement “I’m gonna go find him and start building us a potion shop!! I’ll meet you next to the music booth okay?!”

“Yeah, meet you there” Schlatt agrees

“Oh this will be so much fun Mr. Schlatt!!” Ghostbur gushes, rushing for the door leading to the waterfall, singing a made-up song loudly as he flies off.

Schlatt can’t help but smile at the enthusiasm, but his smile slowly slips with the old guilt and anger he still felt buried in him. How fast would the ghost turn on him when he remembered his past life? Would any of this even matter if Will regained his memories? He looks down at the blood stain on his borrowed sweater and sighs, slipping up to the paths and heading to Carson’s home to bribe some banners off the man. He really didn’t want Wilbur to remember his life if it meant it only Carson would talk to him again.

He’d burn that bridge when he got to it

* * *

“Will? Is that you?” Philza calls out as he enters Tommy’s house and sees all the chests open, materials strewn around the floor

“Will!!” Tommy shrieks, walking in after the man “What the hell bro?! Why’s my shit all over the floor?!!”

“Dad!! Tommy!!” Ghostbur yells excitedly, making himself seen and grinning “I need to borrow some building stuff!”

“Okay, but can you not make a _huge_ fucking mess?” Tommy grumbles, putting things back in their place

“Yeah, yeah!” he agrees, nodding rapidly “Tommy have you seen Tubbo? I need to ask him something”

“What do you need big man?” Tubbo asks, peeking into the house “Wow. What did you do in here Tommy?”

“It wasn’t me!!” he protests “Fuckin’ _Ghostbur_ over there wrecked the place” Philza chuckles a little and begins helping his youngest son put things away “Anyway, he wants to ask you something”

“Yes! I do! I do!” Ghostbur cries, grinning widely “I was wondering if I could set up a store, or even a whole shopping plaza! I’d be happy to build it for you Mr. President!” Tubbo smiles at the enthusiasm

“Actually, you know what?” the boy hums, pulling out a small notebook and flipping through it “Fundy and me were just talking about that! He said that maybe we should start a little marketplace, start an economy- stuff like that.”

“Yes! Yes, exactly!” Ghostbur laughed, flying happy circles around the trio “We wanted to set up a potion shop and sell my potions!” the three others freeze in place

“Potions?” Tommy asks quietly, sharing an unreadable look with Tubbo. “Like…drugs?”

“Wait” Philza interrupts, holding his hands up as Ghostbur starts putting his stolen building materials in his inventory “Who’s _we_??”

“Me and my new business partner!” Ghostbur exclaims gleefully “He’s lots of fun and super funny! He was a businessman when he was alive and he told me he’d help my new business- look!” he showed off the bright blue turtleneck and his family pales at the sight “He gave me his sweater that way I can look _professional_. He said I’ll get more customers dressed like this”

“W-Will?” Tubbo whispers shakily, scarred hands trembling as they clench around the notebook he held “Where did you get that sweater from?”

“I just told you Tubbo!” He chuckles “My business partner-“

“Who exactly is that _partner_?” Tommy snaps “What’s his name?” Ghostbur flinches at the hostility, looking confused at why they seemed so upset

“I really don’t see what the problem is, we just want to build a potion stand and Tubbo said it would be a good idea-“

“Will.” Philza stops him, smiling reassuringly as he wraps a feathered wing around the shaking Tubbo and holds an arm out to keep Tommy from lunging at his dead brother “Who’s your new buddy? We just want to know” Ghosbur tilts a little, trying to read them as he crosses his arms and beams cheerfully

“His name is Mr. J. Schlatt, and he’s my new best friend!!”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the same au as my inhuman dream one and in this one, back when Wilbur still lived in his own territory, he and Schlatt were pretty good friends. Obviously, after the wars they're not friends anymore and barely remember their history together (it WAS a really long time ago) but they still vaguely remember a few games they played with Will's Admin powers. (Philza also knew Schlatt before the war but only as one of Wilbur's friends)
> 
> Sally the Salmon/ Fundy's birth have their own lore but i won't get into that right now except that i REFUSE to acknowledge the fact that Wilbur canonically fucked a fish i'm sorry i just can't XD


End file.
